When I Grow Up

I was born in 1979.

And thats not a big deal, unless you tell my kids, who say all sorts of great stuff like:

"NINETEEN-SEVENTY-NINE!!! NO WAY!!"

"Did you guys have TV?"

Yes

"Did you guys have a computer?"

No

"Did you have internet?"

No. That came out when I was in college.

Silence.

And then I feel it.

I'm OLD.

I've grown up.

And it made me think about when I was their age. I use to think :

"When I grow up...."

*I'm going to be a teacher
*I'll be a great mom ( and eat cookie dough all day while my kids go to school)
*My kids will be perfect because I will be perfect
*I will  have a hot body ( not the awkward one I had at 10)
*I will meet the man of my dreams on a cruise ship.  I will be wearing my pink fluffy dress ( It never occurred to me that it wouldn't fit when I grew up) . He will do something that makes me mad. I will stand out on the balcony over looking the ocean.   He will come to me, apologize, and ask me to marry him. I will forgive him ( because I am AWESOME) and We will live happily ever after.

And then I grew up.

I never became a teacher
My kids are normal
My body is still awkward
I've never been on a cruise

The only goal I accomplished was that I DO eat cookie dough whenever I feel like it.  ( Morning or Night)

And you would think that I'd learn.

And yet, at 31, I still tell myself...

"When I grow up MORE..like really old, then ..."

I'll have healthier boundaries
I won't be so bossy
I'll get in shape
I'll live my dreams
I'll will be fearless
I'll go on a cruise (yes, some dreams never die)

But today,  I realize things change, life has tough obstacles, and I'm stubborn. And if I felt like being truly morbid- which I do- the truth is, I could die at any time.

 And if the past is a reflection of my future, 20 years from now, I will still be :

*Afraid to set boundaries
*Bossing people around when I shouldn't
*Physically out of shape
*Afraid to live my dreams
*Scared of the unknown
*Listening to my friends while they talk about their amazing cruise.

And the only plus side is, I will probably have the BEST cookie dough recipe in town.

So, for today:

I will mess up on boundaries, and say I'm sorry
I will be bossy, but not as bossy as I was yesterday
I'll walk around the block
I will pray about my dreams and let God guide me
I will do one thing that scares me, even if it's small
I will put $20 away each month for a cruise

And I will be grateful that I have finally realized that GROWING UP is overrated.